In my role as a social worker, and as a therapist, I have had the privilege and the honor of working with veterans. I also trained with them, as I did with nurses.
I’ve never said ‘thank you for your service’ to them.
Service was never something we discussed.
We spoke about displacement, about suffering, we spoke about loss, and we spoke about sacrifice.

I have family members who have served, beyond grandparents who fought. I have friends and coworkers who have also joined with the legacy of servicemen and servicewomen throughout history.

I think the idea of service is tied to the way we need to view the military, that it is connected to our fear of what is represented in the military – that we are unsafe, and that humans seek to harm other humans, often in the most impersonal and grotesque of ways.

I believe the idea of service is how we cope with the reality that the military is about sacrifice – from the reality of leaving your home, of leaving your country, to the challenge of being absent from your family, to the struggle of returning to civilian life – we are talking about sacrifice. The military isn’t always about war; it isn’t always about killing – the military spans intelligence, espionage, exploration, and education. The individuals who join have no say in how they will ultimately be of service, and they have no say in the extent of their sacrifice.

It is simple to think of sacrifice as something aligned with death, that those who died in the act of service made the ultimate sacrifice, but those who serve all sacrifice their lives to the military – it is an integral part of the contract.
If I ask you to think about the events that unfold during moments of combat, about the consequences of war the idea of sacrifice becomes obvious, but if I ask you to think of those not deployed, or those who do not directly see combat it might be more difficult to equate service with sacrifice.

Having sat with servicemen and servicewomen, having walked with them through their experiences and through their traumas I find the idea of thanking them for their service to be abhorrent – it lets me off the hook, it marginalizes what they went through, and it posits that their role is something they did, not something that defines them.
I understand the principle of ‘being of service’, I am of service to humans – that is in my role. I understand how it speaks to the military, but it marginalizes the reality of it – it minimizes the sacrifice.

I frequently tell servicemen and servicewomen that I am sorry they had to experience their role, that I’m sorry they went through that – I don’t mean that I’m detracting from the value they found in joining the military, there is pride and splendor in the structure, in the honor, in the camaraderie and in character building – but those things are also values to be found elsewhere, those things are sought after and coveted.
I am sorry that we aren’t able to do better as a species, that we find a need for a military, and that we make humans kill other humans for means and causes that bring unimaginable suffering across the planet.

The servicemen and servicewomen of the military represent our last stand against the darkness of our species, they are the literal bodies on the line when all else has failed – and I am sorry that we can’t do better as a species than have others sacrifice their life and lives to hold off the dark that would otherwise consume us.

I am thankful that you felt compelled to serve others, as many of us feel compelled to serve humanity, in many different roles – but I am sorry that we fail each other in our humanity to such an extent that your service to humanity becomes a sacrifice, sometimes at the cost of humanity itself.

I love you, unconditionally, and I hope that today brings you some comfort that your sacrifice does not go unnoticed, thank you.