Men – In my life before being a social worker I knew women who had been assaulted, who had been raped, and women who had been abused as children.
I knew women who had been harmed by men, and I knew women who had harmed other women – because they had been harmed by men.
Toxic masculinity, misogyny, and patriarchy is endemic to our global culture, and it harms all of us.

I largely became a social worker because I felt responsible, that I was complicit through inaction but I felt that I couldn’t change this toxicity – I wasn’t going to make a difference, but if I could help, if I could not hurt women by trying to help, then it was my duty to do something. To do anything to help.
I came to understand that listening, not trying to fix it, or solve it, or smash it – that listening helped the most of all. Of course assisting women in finding safety helps in a practical sense, but listening empowers women. Listening gives women back the power to take control over their narrative, and to state how they want to be defined.
Listening to women, listening to their narrative (without needing to reference it, or reframe it) is an action of sharing the unjustified imbalance of power that men hold.
Listening to a woman tell her truth is an act of honoring that truth.

Women don’t ‘need’ to be rescued, or protected, or kept safe by men. Women ‘need’ to be respected as equals – not lauded as objects, or trophies, or conquests, or worse. I only ‘know’ this because I have listened.
Over the years I have listened to hundreds of women, some children yet to become women – I have learned that my responsibility in listening is to say this:
I am sorry this has happened to you, this space here is safe as long as you need it, I believe you, I am honored that you are telling me this, is there anything I can do to help, is there anything that you need, is there more you want to tell me?

I don’t expect all men to understand how to help women, I don’t really understand how to help women, I’m not the expert, they are – but listening, honoring them, believing them, not trying to take control, and standing beside them in support and solidarity is something all men can do
– and if you can’t then get out of the way, go get help yourself, and become something to address the imbalance.

#metoo