Turning the 3-strikes concept on its head is one of the healthiest things I have done for myself in a long time. In the name of taking ultimate responsibility for our own reality I posit the following – set a standard for yourself; a way of approaching the world that promotes healthy interaction.

In the face of conflict, upset, unwanted behavior – adopt the 3-strike rule with compassion.

Strike 1: Ask the individual if they are ok, observe that they seem upset/unhappy/are displaying unwanted behaviors, and that you would like to help/understand/communicate differently.

Strike 2: State clearly, yet kindly, that you do not wish to be involved in the apparent scenario, and suggest taking pause to reframe or regroup into a different setting / scenario / paradigm.

Strike 3: Observe that you have inquired if they are ok, review your wishes in strike 2, and state that you are now going to remove yourself from the situation – so do calmly and graciously.

Quite simple – yet highly effective. You have just provided 3 opportunities for change, the scenario has not baited you, you have offered kindness, and you have removed yourself from conflict. It is quite hard to combat these points; it is also harder to find fault in the person calling out the strikes. The other party has time to reflect, is left with their behavior, and is alone in their feeling. It is important to emphasize that you do not wish to leave them alone (unless of course you want out), but that you would like to communicate in a manner more conducive to a healthy relationship.

In the event that you are at fault, this will not work as a diversionary tactic – you will have to own up to the trespass. It is possible to reframe the experience though, suggest moving to another room/location/environment before entering into or continuing the discussion/debate/conversation, and in doing so state clearly that you want to be part of the solution, to talk, to listen, to be present. Offer a drink, or a seat, or a moment to gather thoughts. This not only demonstrates attentiveness, but also enables participants the opportunity to calm down a little, or regain focus.

We can also use these strikes upon ourselves, meet your thoughts and feelings with the above protocols, challenge yourself to alter the dimension of your feelings, give pause to the progression of thoughts, and allow yourself time to consider if you truly wish to carry this process through to its logical conclusion – chances are that much of the thoughts and feelings are uncomfortable / unwanted, and that you can move yourself outside of them just long enough to find an alternative.